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a teacher walks into a bar
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guy:
can i buy you a drink?
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teacher:
i don't know, CAN you?
my mom once told me there are 40 years old men out on the internet pretending to be 16 years old girls just to kidnap and rape me
she never told me about the 16 years old girls who wants to kidnap and rape 40 years old men
(Source: lookingforcastiel, via fatpeoplemakemehappy)
My mom is yelling at my brother and I overheard this.
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Mom:
GO TO YOUR ROOM
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Brother:
that's not fair
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Mom:
DO AS I SAY.
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Brother:
You never send Lizzie to her room when she's in trouble!!
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Mom:
Lizzie never leaves her room. If she were in trouble I'd make her sit in the living room or go outside or talk to human beings.
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Me:
I CAN HEAR YOU.
One Direction Waking Up Their Future Children
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Harry:
Um...erm...you...like...have...to....yeah..um...so...erm...just wake up, you have school, babe.
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Liam:
Good morning darling. Wake up, you don't want your schedule to alter a bit, do you ? Now wake up so you can eat your breakfast that gives you the nutrition that you need for the day.
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Louis:
Wakey Wakey, you had enough beauty sleep babe. Wake up so that you can get ready for school. Don't forget to put on something with stripes. Ok so you won't forget though because I set out your clothes. Orange looks better on you than blue.
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Niall:
WAKE UP BEFORE I EAT ALL OF BREAKFAST !
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Zayn:
Wake up. Today is a new day. A new journey. A new memory. So wake up and pick the right paths.
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